It's the 365th day of the year...

Well it's the 365th day of the year. The last day of 2013. There is so much that could be said about this odd numbered year. The most obvious to me is the journey of learning to live in this world without my grandma. When January 1st came around last year, I was a bundle of emotions. Friends invited me to come spend New Year's Eve with them, but I was too sad to wear anything other than black. I struggle to brush my hair now, so you can only imagine what my hair looked like then. It's definitely gotten a lot better. Thankfully, I'm not just talking about my hair.

In January, I got to celebrate my dad's 58th birthday with a hamburger looking cake. It was the first family birthday we celebrated since my grandma passed away and so when we sang, my mom and grandpa cried. My grandma loved birthdays including her own. Birthdays will always be a way to remember her!

February brought joy and love too. Lent came early this year so my talk for Exalt was about the crosses we all carry. My cross was the pain of no longer having my grandma. There were other things I was dealing with, but this was my biggest cross. I tried to understand this idea of carrying crosses. Some are heavier than others, but they all still weigh on our shoulders, so why? As I prayed, I was reminded that even Jesus needed help carrying His cross. So if Jesus, who came to save us needed help, He must have known that we would need help to carry our crosses too. And that's when my perspective was shifted. We are asked to carry our crosses, but Jesus didn't say we had to do it alone. "Diosito te va ayudar," my grandma always said that. "God, will help you." That has become my mantra this year, a little part of my grandma still with me!

During this same month, I got to celebrate a Valentines Day full of love. Not the romantic love you might imagine on this day, but rather that of family and friends. I was invited to dinner by a friend and afterwards enjoyed the company of my roommate during Magic Mike. It probably was the most eventful VDay I have ever had, except when I was in elementary school and we got to pass out Valetines to everyone.

February also brought the celebration of Diana's 21st Birthday in the city of San Francisco. Keeping it Diana style, our hotel was not too far from the Tenderloin, but we stayed safe and had a great time celebrating with the birthday girl and friends! Swing dancing, rollerblade dancing, art in the park, hot dogs, tinder, warm weather in February, hot pants, and late night pizza. It was good to be around these girls and making memories of joy, support, laughter, and love.

Before I knew, it was March! This was a tough month. Finals were right around the corner and my Sociology Quantitative and Theory classes were kicking my butt. Yet through this stress, I had a conversation with a mentor about what was going on with me. He asked me if I had talked to God about it. Had I invited Him into the chaos? This also became a mantra kind of thing for me. "Have you talked to God about it?"

It really made a difference when April came around and I decided to go on the Silent Retreat. April 20th, 2013 was the day I wrote a poem about living in a country that is based on freedom, yet I didn't feel free because I was dealing with a lot. However, that same day, seeds were planted for that freedom and love which would blossom later in the year. I started a practice of Honest Prayers, where I talked to God about everything without worrying that I wasn't saying the right thing. This weekend opened my eyes to moments of grace. I began to really pay attention to moments where God's grace was at work. I was able to see how my grandma was still part of my life.

May 8th came out of nowhere though. That was the day Michael Kelly passed away. That was the day that changed the lives of many, including my own. Yet through this tough loss, God opened me to a kind of compassion and love that I have never really seen before. So many people came together to celebrate the life of Michael. A life that brought so much good, laughter, and love.

I played in the Michael Kelly tournament with Lauren Farwell and Vaniah Holtz a month later in June. We called ourselves team size of heart because two out of three of us were not very tall. We just loved Michael and wanted to partake in the game he so loved! I hadn't seen Farwell in a long time since she had been abroad so it was good to catch up and soon after I was invited to live with her in what is now known as Ratchet House with four other great girls!

Summer finally came, but it had been a long school year, so I didn't have any set plans for a job. Thankfully, my friend Amy encouraged me to apply at Bene Gusto in Browns Valley, where she worked for a while. July 2nd, I got a call asking when I could start working. I didn't really know what I was getting myself into. I had never worked at a restaurant before. Heck I had never opened a wine bottle before either. Yeah, I was 21 and from Napa and I didn't know how to open wine. Great. I was terrified. The first week of training was terrible. I wanted to quit, but through the support of family, friends, and Fr. Manh, I decided to stay and it turned out to be such a great working experience. I got to learn about food and wine. I got to meet really interesting people, even if sometimes they made me split checks 15 ways. And surprisingly, learned a lot about myself.

In August, I took a couple days off to fly to Las Vegas where I would meet up with some of my best friends from high school to celebrate the baby in the group, Maleana's 21st Birthday, Selena Gomez style. "How about that ride in...too real." This same month, I got to take my sister, Giselle, to the Jonas Brother's concert. It was her gift for her Sweet 16. She loved them when she was in 5th grade and okay I loved them when I was a sophomore in high school. It had been almost six years since the last time we saw them in concert so WE HAD SO MUCH FUN! And we got to do this with just the two of us. No parents. I mean I guess I was 21 at the time, which means I'm an adult, but sometimes I still feel 17 so it was cool to be able to do that.

September. What a month. Celebrated my little brother's 12th birthday. I tend go all out on his birthday every year, so this year I decided to play a little trick on him. I baked him a cake and told him that was his gift. He was sad and he was honest about it. He was so cute about it though. Finally, I gave in after he came home from soccer practice and I gave him his gift. I know he is young, and trust me I know I created a monster, but he got a phone. "I knew you wouldn't let me down," were words he so genuinely said and made it worth it though. This same month I went on the Search Crew retreat where the beginning of really great things was set into place. Hashtags. Strawberries. Hugs. What does the Fox say. Staring in the eyes exercise. What a group of amazing people I met that weekend.

A week later it was October and I got to lead my last CLC Leadership Formation Retreat! It was great to see how CLC has expanded since my sophomore year. I enjoyed meeting the new leaders and connecting with returning leaders too. This month also brought my 22nd birthday. This day will seriously be one to remember! I am one lucky girl. Joe Sarmiento sang feeling 22 for me in a penguin suit, Manh came to my house and wore pink since it was Wednesday, a lot of my friends who came over wore pink too, the famous bell gave its first appearance, and I was surrounded by lots of love and friendship. It was my first birthday without my grandma so it got a little emotional, but all in all I was very blessed to celebrate another year!

On November 2nd I had the amazing opportunity to read at Fr. Manh's Final Vows. It was like being at a wedding. I was reminded of how God works. 20 years before, Fr. Manh decided to become a Jesuit. If he hadn't decided to do that, my life would be so different! And before I knew, it had been 8 weeks since the crew retreat and it was finally time to go on Search. What an amazing weekend! Periwinkle Platypi. Back Crew Partner Clay. Having Erin Kinda on the retreat. Giving a talk on prayer. Watching my fellow front crew members give their talks. Watching back crew back in up. Backing it up twerking as Miley. Sorry JC. Prayer Partners. Having Manh there. Life in Color Dance. And last but not least the staring in the eyes exercise one last time. This was a very powerful experience for me because it brought full circle a lot of what I had gone through in 2013. As I stared into the eyes of my crew members, I saw in their eyes a reflection of what this experience had been for them. For me. For us. I'd say more about this, but I realize this post is already cutting it on the length. Thank you for sticking around. There's just one month left...

DECEMBER!!! This has truly been a very special month. On the 9th a very special guy took me out on a date filled with surprises. Jack in the Box for lunch (my dad's favorite place), Christmas shopping, driving up the hills as the sun set, special playlist, flowers, dinner at an Italian restaurant, Christmas in the park, and an Orchid because that was my grandma's favorite flower. He wanted to give it to me on the 12th, but he knew that I would be home with my family celebrating her life with a mass. On the 12th, I received an outpouring of love by many friends and mentors because they knew this was the anniversary of my grandma entering Heaven with Jesus and Our Lady of Guadalupe. Three days later, I packed my bags and embarked on the 5-day Ignatian Silent Retreat, where again if I went into details, I would need a separate post, so I'll sum it up by saying that my New Years Resolution will be to share the LOVE I have received with others. It's time to smear the world with God's love!

May you have a blessed last day of 2013!!!

An assortment of words...

My last fall quarter at SCU.

Seemed so far away when I was going through my first one.

Now I have two left.

Winter.

Spring.

Oh, how great SCU has been to me.

I didn't see it when I was first getting adjusted.

Now there's so much.

CLC.

Search.

9PM Mass

San Filippo Desk.

Nobili Desk.

Intern for Vice President of Finance and Admin.

Ignation Spirituality.

LEAD.

Ratchet House.

Sobrato.

Campisi.

Tutoring at Buscar Middle School.

Service at Alzheimer's Activity Center.

Volunteer at Skills Plus.

Friends.

Education.

Social Justice.

Discovering my Calling.

Mentors.

Love.

Laughter.

Growth.

Freedom.

Community.

There's still so much more that SCU has to offer.

Looking forward to what the next two quarters have in store.

Trying to get on the writing train for the Newspaper.

Keeping up with this blog.

Taking a Screenwriting class.

Working on a TV series with my friend Erik.

Stay tuned for previews of it.

Ideas welcomed. 

Looking for inspiration for characters.

Discover Retreat

Immersion Trip

Leading my Search Small group

Diving deeper into social justice with CLC

Formation Team will be complete with members from abroad.

Rugby Games.

Family dinners.

Hopefully Katy Perry releases tour dates.

Love Jones Performance with Joe Sar

Getting that license?

Spiritual Direction

Senior year bucket list...

Wow. This is my life. Life is beautiful.

<3

An Outpouring of love on 12/12...

Of course the sun would shine bright today. I've been complaining about that 45 degree weather, but this morning as I opened the door to greet my dad, the sun was warm and the sky a beautiful blue. As my roommate came to the door to say goodbye to me, she looked outside and said, "What a beautiful day today in honor of your grandma!" She had just read my thoughts. Today is my grandma's day!

This day will forever bring the pain of having lost my grandma, but mostly be a day to celebrate the wonderful woman she was to everyone she knew. So many people loved her. I always remember going to Mexico and everyone in the town was happy to see her. She knew everyone!!! They knew her for the heart of gold she had, always giving during the Christmas season, giving clothes and toys to the children of poor families. I've often had conversations with my mom about how my grandma used to do this and my mom tells me more stories of how my grandma had been like this since my mom was a little girl. She used to even feed a lot of these kids. My grandma was selfless and so giving. So full of love. It's been hard not having her, but so much has happened this year that has reminded me of her continual presence in my life.

So much that lets me know she is watching over me and protecting me. Even from a distance she shows me her love in little and big ways. Last night for example, a dear friend delivered a manila envelope to me with instructions not to open it until I received a text confirmation from them letting me know to open it. Having woken up bright and early and having had a day filled with deep conversations with different special friends, I decided to call it a night before midnight, which was when I received the text to go ahead and open the envelope. I think it was good I woke up to it instead for what was inside was a beautiful gift of love and support that would help me get out of bed in order embrace the day ahead in honor of my grandma.

In the manila envelope was an outpouring of love for me on this day, 12/12. Friends knew what this day meant for me and they wanted to make sure I knew I had their love and support. My friends never met my grandma yet through the stories I have shared about her, they were able to capture her so well in the notes they wrote for me. They could tell how important she was to me. They know how important it was for me to keep her memory alive and their notes were a testimony to that. It's breathtaking hearing things like "She is still here with us, She reminds me of you, She is proud of you, She will never be forgotten, Although I never met your grandma, I feel like I do, through you."

Thank you to all of the friends who were part of the outpouring of love- whether it was through the notes in the manila folder or texts I have received throughout the day, or conversations I have had with you in the past that helped make me feel loved and helped keep my grandma's memory alive. I have had a beautiful day with my family- mass in her honor- both in Napa and in the Santa Clara Community- bringing flowers to her grave, saying a rosary there for her, witnessing my mom take lead in a beautiful prayer (she never does this in front of others), placing an orchid on her altar that a friend gave me in her honor, dinner with one of her favorite Mexican soups "menudo," and conversations of memories we all have of her! Soon we will be singing her "Las Mañanitas" to celebrate her and La Virgencita.

When it rains, sometimes it pours, but thank God you've got friends holding up umbrellas, who are also ready and willing to splash in puddles with you. Wait for the sun. There's a rainbow right after. I am truly blessed!

Forever in my heart, el tesoro de mi corazon (treasure of my heart), may she rest in peace in Heaven with Jesus and Our Lady of Guadalupe!

12/12 will continue to be a special day!

Feliz Santo a todas las Lupes!

<3

#classicjoe

Today, I would like to tell you about my good friend, Joe Sarmiento. My life without Joe would mean less LAUGHTER, less JOY, and less LOVE. I met Joe in passing my freshman year. He says he doesn't remember, but I will never forget. I was a shy freshman making my way up the stairs of O'Connor for my CTW class. Joe seemed to be in a hurry, but he took the time to hold the door open for me. What he said to me is such classic Joe, and I mean this is the most loving way. "I wish I knew how to say more than just gracias to you." He basically thanked me for him holding the door open for me. He was doing something nice for me and yet he still thanked me. Classic Joe.

I thought it was interesting that he knew I could speak Spanish. Most people can't tell unless I tell them or go figure, start speaking it. Back then I took that gesture as a simple act of kindness. A very much needed act of kindness since I was struggling with adjusting to Santa Clara. Him going out of his way to do something so simple reminded me of the goodness in the world. I went to class with a smile and optimism that perhaps that day would be a good one. Little did I know this would be one of many moments where Joe's simple acts of kindness would constantly remind me of the goodness in the world.

Looking back at this moment, I see more depth into how Joe knew I could speak Spanish. He has this ability to see you for who you really are- a quality I very much admire about him. From this stems his gift of listening. Really hearing you out and being there for you. He is always willing to take time out of his day to get coffee or lunch. He is even willing to get up a little bit earlier before your morning work out just to get to spend some time with you. He is a very thoughtful friend too. He knows how much I love penguins so on my 22nd birthday this year, he borrowed a penguin costume and walked into Campus Ministry singing, "Feeling 22." If the littlest thing reminds him of you, like a road sign or advertisement, he will text you or post on your wall: "Random Joe post of the day" and let you know how he thought of you in that moment. Again classic Joe.

Joe is also a very supportive friend. He ran up to me after the skit the Twerking Platypi put on and thanked me for taking on the role of Miley Cyrus. He did this even though all of the judges decided to vote me out and the director "fired' me. Now he calls me Maira Cyrus. Classic Joe. He is supportive in serious situations too though. He constantly checked in with me as I prepared to share my story with others. He has been there for me through the loss of my grandma and is always affirming me for keeping up with my blog and my role in CLC. It's the little things he does that make such a difference in my life.

I am so incredibly blessed to be able to call Joe Sarmiento one of my friends. The world really needs more of him. Although, no one could ever replicate his awesomeness because he is a classic Joe. 

Thank you Joe, for being you. For always going out of your way to show your friends how much you love them. For accepting me for who I am. For bringing laughter and joy into my life. You always take the time to show your appreciation for others and myself so this post is dedicated to you my friend!!! You are loved and we missed you at Mass yesterday!!

#theresnofriendlikejoe #twerking #mairacyrus #justforyou #sharethelove #youareawesome #hashtagsfordays #goodluckwithfinals

Also, returning the shout out: check out his blog for some good insights! http://thebrainofjoe.blogspot.com/

Celebrating in Heaven...

I didn't expect the tears to come in that moment. I have gone to celebrations for Our Lady of Guadalupe since I could walk. And I had seen this particular reenactment of her apparitions to Juan Diego two years before so I knew what to expect. Except I didn't. This was the first time in my life when my grandma won't be here during these celebrations. Now she is in Heaven with Our Lady. She is up there celebrating and rejoicing for La Virgencita who she loved very much. These songs we sang and dances we saw in years past mean so much more now that I have an angel in Heaven.

On December 10, 2012, my grandma was released from the hospital. She came back to my house, where her recovery continued. As people came to visit her, she would ask how many days until the feast of Our Lady. Two more days we would tell her. She would talk about a beautiful feast in Heaven, but we all thought she was talking about the feast of Las Mañanitas that was soon approaching on the 12th. The following night, she was rushed back to the hospital. It was the eve of the feast of Our Lady. Four hours until midnight...

Would she go on this day? When the clock strikes 12? Or would she recover? Midnight happened and she was still with us. Everyone held their breath. We all decided to sing her Las Mañanitas for it was "el dia de su santo," meaning "the day of her saint". In Mexico, there is a tradition that if you are named after a saint, you are celebrated and honored on their day of remembrance. My grandma's name was Guadalupe, just like Our Lady. So you can just imagine how much more special this day was for her and the family. It was a few minutes before noon when we sang. A few minutes after we were done, the clock read 12:12 and the monitor read question mark. The sun came out from the gray clouds...my grandma was now celebrating in Heaven for the feast of Our Lady just like she had talked about a few days before.

Today sitting in the mission as I heard one of the Guadalupana songs, I was taken back to these moments last December, which brought me to tears. Tears of missing her. Tears of joy. Tears of love and gratitude. Tears of hope and peace. It was such a powerful experience. And that's when it hit me...My grandma did not leave on an ordinary day. I knew that when she first passed away, but now as her one year of being gone is coming up, it is more evident. Every year, God willing, I will attend celebrations for Our Lady of Guadalupe and I will imagine my grandma in Heaven having her own celebrations. My grandma's fear was that she would be forgotten. My grandma was a big devout to Our Lady. So Our Lady, being our mother, full of love and compassion, interceded so that my grandma's pain could come to a rest and enter Heaven with a big feast. She made she sure my grandma would not be forgotten and always be celebrated. These celebrations once helped me feel blessed for the culture I come from, and now they will forever remind me of how blessed I am to be the granddaughter of such a beautiful soul.

Que Viva mi Abuelita y La Virgen Maria!

Do It...

 

Take time to show those you love just how much it is that you do.

 

Distance should not be a barrier.

It doesn't take much.

It just takes intention and action.

It takes living in the present.

Send a card. There are so many good ones out there.

Write a letter. Send flowers. Give chocolate.

Plan to get lunch. Stay in and catch up. Go for a car ride. Take a walk. Study together.

 

There are so many ways to show those you love just how much it is that you do.

 

Time should not be a reason.

It doesn't take much.

It just takes intention and action.

It takes reminding yourself of the blessings you have everyday.

Send a text. I love you. I miss you. Thinking about you.

There is so much power in sending and receving one of those messages.

You never know how much someone needs a pick me up.

And it's always just nice to hear from loved ones.

 

Telling someone you love them and showing them how much you do shouldn't be so difficult.

We should do it more often. You could never too much.

Yet, with the daily routine, it's hard to sometimes take even thirty seconds to send out that text.

But if you had the time to stumble upon my post, then my friend you have time to get out that phone and share the love.

 

Say hello. Ask them how their day is going. Or hope they have a great Thursday, it's almost Friday! Make plans. Reminisce.

 

Show those you love just how much is is that you do.

 

<3

 

Dedicating this post to all those who have lost a loved one recently. In my thoughts and prayers. In solidarity with you through those losses.



Week 10...

It's that time of year again. Week 10. The only thing worse than this week is the weather that comes with it. Civilians from Washington would call me crazy because they love the cold weather, but being from California, anything less than 70 degrees is unacceptable. And quite honestly, anything less than 80 for me is pushing it. The cold weather makes me want to drink hot chocolate all day, be at home in comfy clothes, eat soup, watch movies and read for fun. And now that my house has decided to turn the heater on, there is not much motivation for me to be outside of this lovely home.

As a senior, my motivation for classes was already low this quarter (senioritis) and that was with the weather being sunny almost until December 1st. Now you can imagine what the struggle will be for me this week if the sun decides to hide until Spring. While I am lucky enough not to have finals this quarter, there is still a lot I have to get done this week. I have two "midterms" at the end of the week. I have a problem set due for my Political Economics class. I have to go to work. I have meetings. And I have to start looking ahead to the future. Oh how I have avoided thinking about the future. Maybe week 10 is a good excuse to postpone thinking about it a little bit longer. Can I just take a nap? Sleep sounds pretty nice. It's necessary for week 10. It certainly was three years ago. 

Thanks to my great friend Joe Sarmiento, who has actively been bringing back my old Facebook statuses, some of which people would call gems, I was able to reflect back on my first experience of week 10 as a college student. I definitely was not excited to come back after the nice week at home for Thanksgiving. It is such a tease to us all. The school should really think about starting the school year earlier so that winter break can be longer and more people can be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. 

I will say though that in comparison to week tens in the past, coming back from break this year was not as stressful. When friends asked how my break was, I told them it was really good, but I was happy to be back too. Such an unexpected answer considering it's dead week. I was feeling very optimistic. Pumped. Peaceful. Joyful. But oh how the weather can change that quickly. Now that the weather has
decided it's going to be 45 degrees, I have to dig deeper and say, "Week 10, bring it."

Good luck to everyone who is chilling at "rock-bottom" this week (shout out to my twerking platypi, I mean periwinkle platypi). We are almost there!!!