Maria Guadalupe Tijero
79 Golden Pearl Gate
St. Peter, HV 90212
7.12.13.
Dear Grandma,
It's been seven months since you went away. Every month since you've been gone I have been posting about you on my blog. I secretly hope that where ever you are, you'll read them, know how much I miss you and you'll come back. Nothing is the same without you. It's hard walking into grandpa's room. There are pictures of you everywhere. I'm grateful I am blessed with the opportunity to have conversations with him, but there are so many things I want to talk to you about too. So many things I am confused about that I'm sure only you know the answers to, like how you did it?
You lost your father at the age of two. You watched your mom go too. Not to mention the five children you had to say goodbye to as well. You lost many close people to you in your life time. Your strength to carry on mesmerizes me. I am the granddaughter of such a beautiful soul. I hope your strength is hereditary because losing you has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and I don't know if I can handle saying goodbye to more than one loved one. I don't want to be, but I am scared. You left before many things I planned for us. I've planned a lot of things with other people too. I can't help but think how those plans might not happen either because life has no guarantees except for death. I don't want to think this way.
I want to be free and happy. And you know, I am, but there's just something missing. You. You'll always be the missing piece to the happiness I have always dreamed about. The other day I was going on a walk around campus. The sun was bright and hot. I felt a slight breeze and in that moment I was overwhelmed with gratitude for everything I have been blessed with lately. If you were here, I'd say my life was pretty great. I don't think there is such a thing as perfection, but if there was and you were here, it would be the closest to it I have ever seen my life lay out. The big man upstairs, whom I'm sure you're with, has been nothing but wonderful to me. I'm a year away from graduation. Remember when I didn't think I would make it through freshman year? My license test is coming up too. I think I'm ready because my mom doesn't freak out as much when I drive anymore. Only took five years! I'm working at a restaurant as well. I was really nervous about it because I didn't know how to open wine bottles, but the other day I had to open five! I also have a journalism internship. I think I finally know what I want to do after graduation. Oh, and guess who had puppies?! Channel. Mama is not happy! Hopefully we can find some good homes for them. One of them looks like the puppy you had when you were about my age. There's so much I want to tell you about- many blessings and moments of grace.
And that's why I know there's more to you being gone than the emptiness I feel when I dwell on it all. People don't just leave this world and that's it. No. There's more, and I'm slowly figuring it out. I know you have something to do with the peace and freedom I am experiencing in my life. And for that, I thank you. Thank you for bringing me closer to the ultimate gift I've always strived to attain.
I hope you are enjoying your family and friends in Heaven.
You lost your father at the age of two. You watched your mom go too. Not to mention the five children you had to say goodbye to as well. You lost many close people to you in your life time. Your strength to carry on mesmerizes me. I am the granddaughter of such a beautiful soul. I hope your strength is hereditary because losing you has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and I don't know if I can handle saying goodbye to more than one loved one. I don't want to be, but I am scared. You left before many things I planned for us. I've planned a lot of things with other people too. I can't help but think how those plans might not happen either because life has no guarantees except for death. I don't want to think this way.
I want to be free and happy. And you know, I am, but there's just something missing. You. You'll always be the missing piece to the happiness I have always dreamed about. The other day I was going on a walk around campus. The sun was bright and hot. I felt a slight breeze and in that moment I was overwhelmed with gratitude for everything I have been blessed with lately. If you were here, I'd say my life was pretty great. I don't think there is such a thing as perfection, but if there was and you were here, it would be the closest to it I have ever seen my life lay out. The big man upstairs, whom I'm sure you're with, has been nothing but wonderful to me. I'm a year away from graduation. Remember when I didn't think I would make it through freshman year? My license test is coming up too. I think I'm ready because my mom doesn't freak out as much when I drive anymore. Only took five years! I'm working at a restaurant as well. I was really nervous about it because I didn't know how to open wine bottles, but the other day I had to open five! I also have a journalism internship. I think I finally know what I want to do after graduation. Oh, and guess who had puppies?! Channel. Mama is not happy! Hopefully we can find some good homes for them. One of them looks like the puppy you had when you were about my age. There's so much I want to tell you about- many blessings and moments of grace.
And that's why I know there's more to you being gone than the emptiness I feel when I dwell on it all. People don't just leave this world and that's it. No. There's more, and I'm slowly figuring it out. I know you have something to do with the peace and freedom I am experiencing in my life. And for that, I thank you. Thank you for bringing me closer to the ultimate gift I've always strived to attain.
I hope you are enjoying your family and friends in Heaven.
La quiero, Abuelita.
<3 Su Flaca
P.S. If Heaven had a mailing system, I'd write you every day. I miss you.
P.S. If Heaven had a mailing system, I'd write you every day. I miss you.
