I tend to set the bar high for myself and because of that I feel like others hold me to a higher standard too. I strive to be a good example and to do well in everything that I do. I don’t want to disappoint anyone, especially those who are always rooting for me. But sometimes I get caught up in the “fun” of life. "It's not a big deal," is usually the response that I get, but it doesn't help make me feel better. When my actions don't fall into alignment with the type of person I say I am, it is a big deal! And when I surround myself with people who question my set of beliefs and make me question them too, it is a big deal!
I know people don’t think I have it all together, but most people assume that I know how to handle all kinds of situations. That’s partly because I tend to be more of a listener than a talker. I tend to give advice and shoulder to lean on. I am defined by what others think of me and I often get lost in that definition. Truth is, I have struggled between who I am expected to be, who I want to be, and who I am supposed to be for far too long. In fact, up until two weeks ago, I couldn’t tell you the last time I genuinely felt alive. What changed that you ask? SEARCH. And I only wish there were words to accurately describe this amazing experience because it gave me the confidence to no longer compromise my authentic self. It helped me accept myself for who I am, who I want to be, and who I am supposed to be. It gave me a community with many wonderful people. It reminded me of the things that matter. It taught me a lesson with all of my mistakes and what it means to truly forgive myself. It showed me the importance of the people I surround myself with and what it means to be a true friend. It allowed me to be excited for the future and let go of the past...
It gave me back my smile.
Now I know that this state of mind will be challenged on some or most days, and a year from now I may think differently about all of this, but for the time being I am thankful for this humbling attitude. So this post is dedicated to the ever changing identity that plays an important role in how we approach life. This post is to the difference between how others see you and how you see yourself. It's the difference between simply getting by and true happiness. It doesn't necessarily mean it's the easier route, but it sure seems worth the fight!
Shout out to my yellow subs!
Citations: I do not own the rights to the picture in this post. I got it from google.
Citations: I do not own the rights to the picture in this post. I got it from google.
