As I folded my laundry today, I looked at the clock at 12:12 and all the memories came back. Oh how much I miss her. As I closed the top drawer it hit me all over again. It's been a long time since I have seen her and it will continue to be that way for a while. I only thought about this for a little though because before I knew it, my friend had arrived at my house for our coffee date. When I got back, I continued with the organization of my room. I moved a framed picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe I had on one of my shelves to a more visible place near the clock. I remembered how my grandma had given it to me when I left for school my freshman year. Again I thought about how I missed her. Now at this point I didn't even realize it was the 12th of month. I think about my grandma quite often, but today I was remembering her in quite a different way. It was like my body and mind were trying to remind me of what they know every month.
The big moment of grace happened while I was watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding for the first time earlier today. I know, I know. I was kind of late getting on the train to watch it a long time ago. So many people had told me it was a must see classic. And for someone who happens to have one of the biggest chick flick movie collections it was very surprising I hadn't seen it sooner. Anyway, as I watched the movie I could relate a lot of Tula's family background to mine. I'm not exactly Greek, but my family is still fun and crazy like hers. We have certain traditions that would be new to the person I bring into my family and I often get nervous thinking about that. I could see a lot of my grandma in the personality of Tula's traditional father and it made me miss her. One of my favorite scenes was when Tula's grandma gives her a crown from a box covered in shells. In that moment, I realized how my grandma won't be there for my big day. How much I will miss her that day when it comes, God willing. And then I touched my phone to check the date and that's when I saw it was the 12th. I smiled quietly to myself and felt the warmth in my heart of the big fat moment of grace I experienced at that time. One year and month later and she's still got it. Gone but always around. <3
I'd like to dedicate this post to a friend who has recently lost her grandmother and is now on her journey to learning to live in a world without her. May she feel her grandma's presence even in the distance for those we love never really die. <3
