I don't think this is love...

I don't think this is love, but it still hurts.

I find myself thinking about him often.

I focus on the good moments we had; the little things he told me about himself. 

And then I remember how things ended.

I wish I could go back.

I wish I could have dealt with things differently. 

Now I just have to wait until the next time I see him.

It could go well or it could go bad.

I'm hoping for the first, but expecting the worst. 

He's going to use what he knows against me 

And not give me a chance to tell him how things really went down. 

I know I don't need to explain myself.

And yet there's something telling me to give it one more shot.

I'm willing, but he's already shut me out.

And yet there's something insisting there's more to the story.

He's a good guy, but I do have a history of being disappointed.

So maybe this is a good thing.

Ending before it get's deeper.

They say put yourself out there...they say to be careful.

I don't know who to listen to anymore.

I'm trying to look at the bigger picture, but what if I'm not okay with it? 

What if my destiny isn't what I want? What if what I want is him? 

BUT...what if he never wanted me at all?

This is a messed up situation.

I don't think this is love, but it still keeps me up at night.

I wonder what he really thinks about me. 

Did he mean it when he said I was different? 

Or was that an easy way out...to not hurt my feelings...

Because if he really thought I was different, 

Why did he walk away so effortlessly?

It takes a real man to realize all he needs is one woman.

And yet it's not enough.

Where is his head at?

How much of this was just a game?

 How much of this was actually real?

That's why I was so defensive. I didn't want to get hurt.

I didn't want anything serious, but somewhere along the way 

I still fell for him...

Gave him the benefit of the doubt, 

Even after all of the warnings. 

I saw through the 

I-don't-have-any-feelings-I-can-get-any-girl-

I'm-not-really-a-douche-but-will-act-like-one 

front...that wall.

There was something about him.

I don't think this is love, but I'd be lying if I said I never cared about him.

<3



Citations: I do not own the rights to the picture in this post. I got it from google.