My Bittersweet Challenge...

Ever heard of the saying that every girl needs an older brother? Whether you have or haven’t, you’re about to find out why it is so true or at least why it is to me. Yes, I’m about to tell you about my older brother, Mario Gutierrez. While the order in which I wrote about each of my family members does not indicate who I like more than the other, there was a reason why I have waited to write about him. Of all the people I have ever known, he is the one that challenges me the most.

You see we are both the eldest of the genders so our personalities often clash. We see the world from two different perspectives and deal with things in our way. He likes to act like nothing is wrong and I like to talk about things. When we were younger, he often wouldn’t let me play with him and Eric because he said I had too many feelings. However, even behind his cool front I’ve always known deep down he appreciates my sensitivity. Otherwise who would have made him a sandwich when he was “running away” from home? (He wasn’t actually running away, he just said that because he was hungry and knew I was a sucker when it came to sad fates).

It is because of him that I have grown in my strength and confidence over the years. He has taught me to take charge of my own life. He pushes me to want to be the best version of myself and to not let anyone keep me from getting to the top or allowing anyone to second guess myself. He doesn’t know this, but he has a big influence on the way I make important decisions. I think about what he would do and what he would think of my decision. “You can do better.” That’s what I always hear. He knows my potential. He has known me my whole life. He watched me take my first steps and say my first words. Some of my favorite memories to bring up are the ones that involve us when we were kids. Eric and I thought he was the coolest kid. He always came up with the best games to play and when all of us should have gotten in trouble he would take all the blame. I owe a lot of my childhood to him. A lot of people wish they could go back to being a kid because things were so much easier then. And that’s true, but I prefer phrasing it by saying I wish I could go back to my childhood because that’s when I felt genuinely  safe. I owe that to him too. There's just something about an older brother that makes you feel protected. Invincible. "If something is wrong, my older brother will take care of it." 

I carry my childhood close to my heart and I’m often taken back to the past with his kid-like personality. That of course doesn’t mean to say that he’s immature because that is far from the truth. Of all of us, he has been the one that has had to grow up the fastest. When he graduated from high school he did not have the resources to go to college like I did. But that never stopped him from living a great life. At the age of 18 he was hired as a teller at one of the Wells Fargo branches and within months was promoted to be a personal banker. Now he is a supervisor at West America Bank and he is only 24. He has a good job, is one of the smartest guys I know, is in love, owns a BMW he paid for by himself, and is working on getting his trainer’s license. He is OBSESSED with working out and living a healthy lifestyle (don’t dare call it a diet, it’s a touchy subject). He was the first captain of the Justin Siena braves to lead the Varsity soccer team to the MCALS tournament in 2003 and he continues to play the sport he loves in an adult league as well as an indoor team with our brother Eric.

I know sometimes my older brother can be misunderstood, but I hope he knows he is one of my reasons to smile and that I am proud of him. Behind all that cool lies the heart of gold he got from our mother. Behind it all is that ninja turtle loving 5 year old kid we all love and know!

In the end, he always has our back!

Kuabunga! Love you Raccoon. <3

She's my momma...

Now if you are wondering what kind of person my mother is, you're in for a treat! I could not have been raised by a better woman. Now and then I think of the type of person I hope to become and she is hands down my hero. At age 14 she left her hometown in Mexico in hopes of a better future. Back then communication was not as easy as it is today, so she would go days without talking to her parents. Having dropped out of school to work in order to support her parents and siblings, an ideal job was not really in the cards for her. But she has never been the type to be scared of working hard. She is one of the hardest workers I have ever known always putting herself, her needs, and wants last.

Some people only see their parents as their parents, which isn't a bad thing, but I am thankful that I can also see my mother as my best friend. There are so many special conversations that I carry close to my heart. It's rare the day that we don't talk even when I am at away at school. When I am away from home we will talk at least three times a day. For some people that is a lot, but for me it's one of the greatest blessings. On my worst days, talking to her makes things bearable. On my best days, talking to her is the cherry on top! When I think of the person who would genuinely do anything for me, it is her, my mama. And that is why I strive to be the best version of myself. It is the least I can do for the woman who selflessly has made sure I have gotten everything I ever wanted and needed. She has sacrificed a lot for me, my siblings, my dad, and my grandparents. She always goes above and beyond to keep the people around her happy. She has a heart of gold!

I admire her beyond words can explain. Her daily life is more than I could ever do. From taking care of her aging parents, to working, taking care of her children, cooking, and being a wife, every morning she wakes up with the best energy. Sometimes it's a little overwhelming at 7 am, but when I stop to appreciate it I am reminded of the blessing she is in my life and it's not just because she still makes me a lunch with my name on it when I go to work! There is so much I could say about my mom. She's the sweetest and super funny. She loves to talk to people and people love to talk to her. She will make the person standing next to her in line her friend by the time she checks out. She has such a welcoming personality. I don't know how she does it, but I am so glad that I get to call her my mother. I honestly cannot imagine my life without her. No shame, I am a big mama's girl.  She plays a huge role in my life and while I try, she doesn't get recognized for everything she does as much as she should. So this post is dedicated to her, my mama, my reason to smile!

Love you mamita bonita <3