I worked out today for the first time in what seems to be forever. Going to the gym is great, but I have found that I really enjoy the "Insanity" workout with Shawn T. I can do it from the comfort of my own home, although let me tell you, there's nothing comfortable about the workout itself. It's insane. Go figure!
After the Pure Cardio workout, I laid on my back on the hard wood floor of my living room. It was a struggle to catch my breath. I should really stop going on those Taco Bell runs. Anyway, I eventually was able to breathe normally and as I exhaled a deep breath out, I finally let myself feel the emotions that come with what today is - the 12th. The day that reminds me of her departure. Unlike other 12th's of past months though, this is the first month that actually takes me back to the moments when my grandma first became sick.
This time last year, she was waiting for me to come home. It was this month when we celebrated her last birthday. I remember being home for my Thanksgiving break and working out to Insanity. My roommate and I had been really good about working out that whole quarter so I couldn't slack off. I introduced my mom and sister to the work out. My grandma thought we were crazy. She could hear us from the living room as we struggled to catch our breath, fought over water, complained, and laughed. She could hear my sister and I enjoying watching our mom trying to do high jumps. Our 50 year old momma was showing us up! Grandma couldn't believe it and gave my mom a hard time about it. She liked being playful with my mom and my mom enjoyed it.
As I finished my work out today, I remembered that moment with my three girls. I miss the four of us having conversations and being with each other. I can't believe it's almost been a year since she left. I miss her more and more every day, but the memories help me carry on. There is so much that reminds me of her. So much that shows me God's grace at work. Even when I work out. Insanity pushes me to dig deeper to get fit, but these past 11 months have pushed me to dig deeper into what God has revealed through everything that has happened since she left.
You continue to surprise me, abuelita. Te quiero <3
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